Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
