i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
