i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
