do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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