I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
