soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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