he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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