well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
