It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
