He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
