ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
