I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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