His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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