After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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