i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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