I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
