There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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