i think i have herpe
just one?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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