Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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