She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
