i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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