I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
