It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
