My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You ruined the universe
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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