There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
