arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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