Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
