She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
