I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
