were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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