It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
where am i from again
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
