omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
