Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
