my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
