ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
