They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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