Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy

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(630): View more from Illinois

something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

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(416): View more from Toronto

Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean

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(770): View more from Georgia

Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...

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(574): View more from Indiana

No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you

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(248): View more from Michigan

So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.

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(607): View more from New York

It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"

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