I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a beard to bite.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
