remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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