Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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