chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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