Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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