i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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