dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
