ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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