I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
