I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
