Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
