you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
