Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
