u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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