My liver just broke up with me...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
