That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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