I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
