I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
