I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize