I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
