Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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