yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
