FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
