he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
