I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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