Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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