My hand turned me down
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
