Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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