those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
